No one even asked me how I felt about it. No one ever does.

I watched him fade into the smoke and darkness, the fire trucks and cop cars swirling around like bumble bees. He was leaving Buffy, the infinite teen Barbie who just happens to kick ass. She's my friend, of course. We bond over banishment spells and demon talk. But there will always be a tinge of jealously inside, burning constantly and never changing in size or intensity.

I went home that night battered and bruised like someone who had unsuccessfully ran with the bulls of Pamplona. Taking off my shoes in the doorway was like discarding two blocks of cement. My parents were in bed and only the night light in the kitchen guided me to my room.

Once I was there, I shoved a pile of clothes off my bed and laid flat, not turning on the light so I could enjoy the darkness. I always feel closer to him when everything is black, and the dark envelops me like a wet kiss.

It was here, in this very spot, that it first happened. He came to my window and tapped on it, scaring the shit out of me in my half sleep. I was wearing an old gym shirt and a pair of boxers with a hold in the ass. True seduction clothing. I jumped again when I saw it was him. You could never be sure if he was on your side. Each time you saw him, another demon spawn of boogey man could have gotten to him. I opened the window with a trademark "what?" and I swear he almost smirked.

"You have to invite me in."

I rocked back on my heels, watching him for a second. "To what do I owe this honor, Deadboy?"

He stepped closer to the window until his upper arms were resting on the sill. His eyes had that liquid look to them that they get when he's fighting justice, but there was more to it. Or maybe I thought there was because for the first time, they were directed at me. "Please."

I sighed, exhaling all my sarcasm with it. "Fine."

He pulled himself easily into the window, making such a tiny thud when he landed that I thought he was agile enough to be part cat.

Before I had the chance to stop it, he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me into a hug. I stayed frozen for a second, wondering if it was possible to be any more perplexed. Then I couldn't help it. I relaxed into the hug.

It tickled a little when his lips dragged across my neck. That's it, I thought. He has turned bad again and I've just given him an invitation to suck me dry. But he pulled away and gave me a gaze so intense that I had to look away. "I just need someone," he said.

Right. And he couldn't exactly stop by Buffy's. Even her mom wasn't liberal enough to tolerate her princess making out with vampires. "OK," I said. My voice wasn't working very well.

He sat down on the bed and I sat next to him, careful not to sit so close that our legs would touch. But then he put his hand behind my neck and pulled me over, kissing me on the lips. Either this was really Angel, or it was one motherfucker of a demon.

I don't know how long it was before we fell back, the kiss deepening and me tasting his lips on mine, the peppery taste on his tongue and the warm feeling of his hand moving under my shirt. I froze for a second when his fingers pinched my nipple a little. I was about to tell him that I thought that was kind of weird when I felt all of my nerve endings jump to attention.

We were panting against each other, our mouths opened wide in a liquid kiss. His hand slipped easily into my boxers and found my throbbing cock. My body strained against him, my hand gripping his arm and feeling the muscles move as he started to stroke me.

I broke the kiss and laid flat on my back. I could feel his eyes watching me as I squeezed my eyes shut, my mouth open as I let out short, uneven breaths. I heard him sigh as I arched my back, my legs shaking as I got closer.

He seemed to sense the exact moment when I was going to come and covered my mouth with his. He held the kiss as I shuddered and groaned like he was anxious to suck the energy out of me.

Then it was over. He stood up and smiled at me, the sort of smile you give someone who just gave you a lift to school. And then he was gone.

I don't know why he did that. I guess I never will. Nothing ever changes in Sunnydale. Kids graduate, people die and I will never understand Angel.