Riley wished the first time he saw Adam was as a grotesque demon, a mixture of decaying flesh and green, scale-like skin. He wished the first words he'd heard from Adam were the clipped, matter-of-fact ones that came out of his mouth as he plotted to rule the world, leaving a path behind him of mass destruction. He wished the only time he'd looked into those eyes were the times when he looked into the eyes of a monster. That way, all he would be facing was a demon that needed to be killed rather than memories gone bad and nightmares of the human that used to be there. That way, when Adam claimed that they were brothers, Riley could know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was wrong.

He hadn't known Adam that long before the real Adam disappeared. It was only about a month. He knew Adam, he figured, the same way he knew Forest or Graham. He knew him from drills, and training, and listening alongside him to the barking commands of the U.S. government officials to whom they signed away their lives. Adam, he figured, was like any other fellow military officer. Again, that was bullshit.

The truth was that whatever Riley knew of Adam before Adam became a monster was packed tightly into the recesses of his brain, never to be unearthed again. He couldn't afford to dust them off and turn them into nostalgia. If he did, he would lose his mind.

_ _ _

They were driving down the Pacific Coast Highway, the top down on the convertible, and Adam was laughing. A shared joke, a properly placed pun and Riley was laughing too, his head back on the seat as his ribs strained.

"You're such an idiot," Riley gasped.

"Thanks!"

More laughter. Riley didn't want to break the moment, because it seemed so rare that Adam laughed. Adam turned the radio knob and the music got louder. Riley imagined tiny notes spilling out of the car and trailing behind like in a comic strip. It was the same song Adam had been playing since Malibu, "Come Undone" by Duran Duran. He'd never figured Adam for a Duran Duran fan. In his school, when he was growing up, only the people accused of being "fairies" liked Duran Duran. The tape would nicely stop and Adam would press the rewind button and inside the stereo, the tape would click and race backwards, the wheels spinning until the tape clicked to a stop and started again. It didn't really bother Riley. The song had a subtle complexity to it, the sort of song you could hear 10 times and still notice something different each time.

They were heading back to Sunnydale, where mounds of dirt had been slipped out from under the surface and a hole made there. The earth and severed roots were covered with white walls, floors and ceilings, cast iron cages installed, computer systems inserted and commencing. The Initiative. Riley and Adam scarsely knew what it was, but they were loyal to it. They had seen it once, their footsteps echoing in the still-empty building, catching ominous glimpses of secure metal doors and stale silver lab tables.

Then they were given a week's reprieve. One week, Professor Walsh told them. Then you belong to us.

As everyone dispersed, heading home to visit their families or wandering to new towns to drink until they fell over, Riley and Adam headed in the same direction, the direction no one else really wanted to go. They headed for the beach. They spent their week drinking Mexican alcohol and wading up to their necks in the ocean, emerging with tiny grains of salt in their hair and a thin sheen of film on their swimming trunks. They watched the girls in bikinis, slick with suntan oil, flitter around the guys. Some of the girls looked their way. One spent the night with them. Riley and Adam fell asleep every night in their $50-a-night motel room, the windows open because there was no air conditioning. The salty breeze sifted through the screen, which had holes in it so large that one night a huge beetle slipped through and flew around above them, tapping its wings on the ceiling. The beetle woke Riley but Adam slept through it. Riley laid on his side, watching Adam sleep, those sharp and handsome features gone slack, his arm flung lazily over his head. Riley noticed everything - the soft tuft of brown hair under his arm, the nipple pulled slightly vertically from the arm being raised. Professor Walsh had told them to get close. Those were her words. "Get to know each other," she said. "Get close. You're going to be like brothers on this mission. Everyone has to trust each other unquestioningly. We don't know what we'll come up against." Riley was glad they'd spent the week laughing, because there'd be no laughing on the job.

He spent the rest of the night drifting in and out of sleep, listening to the persistent beetle flap from corner to corner. His eyes would drift half open and stop on Adam, watching him shift positions and mutter a little under his breath. Riley wanted to know everything about him. Information on his history were slipped into bits of conversation. They would be jogging or eating lunch and Adam would mention where he was from, which was Michigan. Riley imagined car factories with smoke billowing out of them, or a stale Detroit suburb. Or maybe he was from a trailer park town, where everyone knew him and was still talking about how he'd gone off and joined the military. Riley imagined all possible scenarios and wanted to know which one was right. But when he opened his mouth to ask, Adam moved on to another topic, like "Jesus, it's hot today."

Laying there in the half darkness, Riley thought about Michigan. Adam had mentioned a younger sister, probably a pretty girl with the same kind of intense eyes. There was no clock in the room, but when Riley finally fell asleep again the room was gradually turning shades of lighter gray from the sun coming up.

When he woke again, the room was filled with sun and Adam was yanking the flimsy sheet off Riley. "Get out of bed," he said, tugging the sheet and dropping it on the floor at the foot of the bed. "I'm hungry."

Riley rubbed his eyes and sat up, his skin feeling overly sensitive and the sparse hair on his chest matted down from laying on his stomach. He knew he had a fantastic case of bed head. Adam had already showered, his hair still damp and combed back neatly. He was wearing a pair of bright yellow shorts and no shirt.

"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day," Adam said, like he was reading it off a calender. He crossed his arms, the muscles bunching when he did it, and stood fast until Riley started to move.

Riley padded across the room towards the tiny bathroom, shutting the door behind him and examining himself in the mirror. His eyes were so puffy they were nearly closed, and his hair shot out from his head in weird angles. He was used to getting up before sunrise, so it had to be the tequila they'd drank the night before. He felt around for a clean towel and found one next to Adam's little black pouch that held his razor and all of his personal items. Riley couldn't resist peeking inside - a heavy silver razor, a half empty pack of extra blades, a travel-sized tube of Crest, a pair of tweezers and a little tube of something Riley didn't recognize even when he read the label. Next to the bag was Adam's bottle of Gilette shaving gel and a container of green Aqua Velva aftershave. Riley unscrewed the cap on the Aqua Velva and brought the bottle to his nose. The smell reminded him of someone's grandfather, yet he'd never noticed it on Adam before. The fact that it was on Adam seemed to make it cooler somehow.

When he walked out later with a towel around him, Adam was gone. Riley looked out the window and saw him in the parking lot, hands on his hips, looking like he was just basking in the sun. He turned a little and Riley saw that even doing that, Adam's face was frozen into a grimace, the same determined look with which he seemed to do everything. Riley wondered if Adam had ever flunked a test, or bumped noses when he tried to kiss a girl, or failed his driver's test. Seeing Adam out there like he was guarding the motel, it seemed unfathomable.

Riley changed into shorts and a T-shirt and wandered outside. Adam barely acknowledged him, watching the ocean across the street, beyond the little hot dog stand where they'd gotten lunch the day before. "This is our last day," Adam said. "One more day and we head back."

Riley squinted into the sun. "Ever wonder what we're heading back to?"

Adam looked at him sideways. "Back to Sunnydale. The Initiative."

"Yeah but..." Riley paused, scratching his arm, wondering if he should even talk about this. "I'm not even sure what we're doing there. Tracking down some kind of monsters, I know that much."

Adam faced him, frowning, like he literally didn't understand what Riley was saying. "We're going to do our jobs," he said. "Our duty. They'll tell us what we need to know."

Riley nodded firmly, knowing Adam was right. He didn't get a chance to say anything else because Adam was already heading across the parking lot, towards the health store on the other side of the street where they'd bought beef jerkey and orange juice the day before. Riley followed him silently.

Once they reached the other side of the road, Riley realized Adam wasn't headed to the health store at all, but to the Liquor a Go Go where they bought their last bottle of tequila. Riley groaned and muttered "No more tequila."

"Of course no tequila," Adam said. "It's our last night. Only the best whisky for our last night."

By the time they were on their last shots in the bottle, the strip was dark and most of the people who wandered up and down it during the day had gone home. There was little noise but the lapping of the waves across the road and the sparse cars that went by. Riley and Adam had grabbed the two rickety chairs from the corner of their $50 motel room and sat them in front of the window, propping it open and parting the curtains so it was like being outside but with the ability to stay seated in just their shorts and easily grab peanuts from the bowl on the floor between them.

Riley took another swig from the glass he'd found and unwrapped near the bathroom sink, swirling the ice around a little in the bottom. "This is great stuff," he said into the glass. "What is it again?"

"Crown Royal," Adam said, pouring himself another shot. "The queen drinks it."

Riley let his head roll back and rest on the back of the chair. "Well, it's got me good and hammered, that's for sure."

Adam leaned his head back too and rolled it sideways so he was facing Riley. "You don't seem like the type who drinks a lot."

"I drink enough." Riley looked at the window again, his brain scrambling faster than his words could. "I've done a lot of partying in my day."

Adam smirked. "I bet you have."

It was only because of the alcohol that Riley didn't try harder to show that he could drink Crown Royal and keep his head, and that he could do everything that Adam could. Adam didn't seem to do anything half way, and Riley didn't want him to think that he did, either. But the only way to prove his worth would be back at the Initiative, serving his country, doing the duty he considered to be a gift from God. So he rested his feet on the window sill, leaning his head back again. He felt Adam's stare on him, the dull ache from his brown eyes, the same intense gaze he'd felt all week.

He willed himself to turn his head and saw that Adam was watching him. He figured Adam would look away if Riley looked back, but he didn't. He wasn't afraid to make eye contact and wasn't afraid to stare back. Riley decided that he wasn't either and held the gaze for as long as he could without wavering, feeling a little strange about it but determined not to back down.

When Adam's mouth opened, Riley figured he was getting ready to say something, but a few more seconds of eye contact passed and Riley figured he wasn't. He smiled a little, self consciously, trying to look friendly and comfortable to Adam when comfortable was the last thing he was feeling.

Finally Adam spoke. "Suck my cock."

Riley flinched, looking quickly at the window. "What?"

"You heard me."

Riley squirmed in his seat, his mind scrambling for some way to react. The silence only lasted a few seconds but it seemed like an eternity. Riley knew he should say no. He wasn't even sure why the hell Adam was asking him that. Since when was Riley ever the sort of person who would stand for that, or even more, obey that sort of command? He wasn't. Even drunk, he knew he wasn't. So why didn't he just say no? It must be a test, he figured, so he snickered a little to show that he got the joke.

"It'll be fun, Riley," Adam said, his voice deep and lulling. "Didn't you ever do it in boot camp?"

The idea had never even occurred to Riley in boot camp, but even now he felt strange saying that he had less experience than Adam at anything. He shrugged awkwardly. He felt Adam reach over and press his fingers against Riley's neck, hard enough to be commanding but not hard enough to make Riley more nervous than he already was. Adam's fingertips were warm and insistent, like drawstrings ready to pull him over and urge him to comply. Riley knew then that it wasn't a test.

Even as Riley choked out an "OK," he could hardly believe his ears. He wasn't sure why he was saying yes, or why he even wanted to. All he knew was that he was inexplicably drawn to Adam, like some bond he didn't know existed until that very moment in front of the open window, drunk on Crown Royal and listening to Adam's low, deep voice.

Adam stood up and pulled the curtains closed, shutting the window halfway so the wind wouldn't blow them apart. Riley barely breathed when Adam stood in front of him, rubbing his rough palm against Riley's cheek. "Come on."

Riley's legs wobbled as he stood up, balancing himself on the chair as he watched Adam cross the room to his bed. Riley followed him, watching helplessly as Adam stripped out of his shorts and sat on the bed, leaning back on his elbows. Even half hard, Riley could tell Adam's cock was bigger than his own. He couldn't one up him on anything, he thought wryly.

Riley knelt in front of him, the cheap carpet biting his knees, reaching out with shivering fingers to touch Adam's cock. The skin on it was warm and soft like his own. All he had to do was brush it with his fingertips to get a muffled moan from Adam.

"Suck it," Adam said. "Do it, Riley. Come on."

"I've never done this before." Riley hardly recognized his own weak voice.

"You can't do it wrong."

Riley leaned in and moved his mouth timidly over it, getting a faint taste of salt and skin. So this was what his girlfriends went through all these years. He found he could get it in his mouth easily and thought he was doing well until Adam's cock started to swell and harden, getting bigger and longer until Riley had to concentrate on not brushing against it with his teeth. He always thought if he did this he would do what he always wanted done to him, but his mind was blank. He found himself sliding it in and out of his mouth, trying to establish a rhythm. Adam reached down and grabbed a handful of Riley's hair, tugging gently as he began thrusting his hips like he knew exactly how he liked to be sucked. The whole time he murmured orders, like "Suck it harder" and "Put your hand around the base." Riley realized that he was delirious with lust, the idea of Adam telling him how to suck his cock a fulfilled fantasy that he didn't even realize he had. Everything he had felt for Adam, all the envy and eagerness to please him, had culminated into this moment.

It went on until Riley's jaw got sore and went slack, and he just kept his mouth open as Adam kept his grip on his hair and pumped his cock in Riley's mouth. Riley wondered if Adam used the same steady thrust when he fucked. He wondered how he could find out.

Adam tugged Riley's hair gently until he could slide out from underneath him. "Lay down," Adam said. Riley climbed on the bed quickly and laid down, squirming out of his shorts and throwing them on the floor at the end of the bed. He barely had time to think before Adam had wrapped his arms around Riley's hips, his tongue flickering quickly across the head of his cock. Adam sucked and licked him with such insensity that Riley grabbed the headboard to anchor himself. He had never really made noise during sex, but he found himself mimicking the way Adam had muttered and moaned quietly, pumping his hips towards Adam's mouth the same way Adam had done to him.

Just when Riley thought he couldn't stand it anymore, Adam lifted Riley's legs and licked down farther, until his tongue was probing the tiny bud of his asshole. It tickled a little and at the same time made Riley press his head back into the pillow. He never thought he'd have anyone do this to him, and never thought he'd want to, but now he was so delirious that he knew he'd let Adam do anything to him.

Adam used his strong arms to flip Riley over on his stomach, gripping his hips to pull him onto his hands and knees. "What are you doing?" Riley gasped.

"Nothing. Just relax." He felt Adam's stomach press into his back and he leaned forward and reached into the shaving kit. Riley hadn't even noticed that Adam had moved it to the table by the bed. He waited while he knew Adam was squeezing something from the unknown tube.

"You brought that with you?" he asked. It was a stupid question but he couldn't find the right words for what he was thinking.

"Of course," Adam said. Riley felt Adam's slippery fingers pressing against his asshole. "I knew you were a sure thing, you little slut."

Before Riley even had time to register what Adam said, he felt two of Adam's fingers slip inside of him, working their way in and out like they were trying to open him up. Riley felt himself push back against them, feeling the palm of Adam's hand against his ass, his fingers pushing and probing inside of him.

"I'm going to put my cock inside you," Adam said, "and I don't want you to make a sound."

Riley didn't have time to ask why. He felt Adam trying to push inside of him, his fat knob slicked with the same substance on his fingers and trying to get in. Riley exhaled hard and felt the first inch of Adam's cock slip in, stretching the muscle and causing a jab of blinding pain to rip through Riley's body.

He almost yelled but remembered Adam's order and bit his lip hard, causing a more manageable kind of pain to offset the one he wasn't familiar with. Adam must have known, because he ran his hand across Riley's back, calmly stroking the skin there until it was almost soothing. Riley felt the muscles in his shoulders unbunch, his body relaxing a little as it got used to the feeling. He started breathing deeply, telling himself that he wanted this chance.

Then Adam pushing in a little deeper, working his way in gently as Riley slowly exhaled, willing his body to relax. He felt Adam's hips against his ass and knew he was all the way in, and that it was as bad as it was going to get.

"Just relax," Adam said again. "And no noise."

Riley nodded, feeling Adam begin a slow rhythm. It didn't hurt as much as it felt foreign, something in a part of his body that he wasn't used to. A few more strokes and the uncomfortable feeling turned into something else, not quite pleasure but a kind of tingling that was slowly working its way up his spine. Riley lowered his head until it was almost resting on the pillow, spreading his legs wider to give Adam better access. Adam rotated his hips a little. Riley could tell he knew exactly what he was doing.

Riley gripped the pillow case, realizing that he was pushing back into Adam. It was a great feeling, being filled completely by someone. He was getting fucked, he realized, and the idea made him whimper.

Adam gripped his hips hard, his fingertips digging in. "What was that?"

"Nothing," Riley muttered.

"I said no noise."

Riley wasn't even sure why Adam didn't want him to make noise. He couldn't form a coherent enough thought about it. There was only that moment, and that chance, and his mind was like television static.

By the time Adam quickened his pace, Riley was pushing back into him in time to his thrusts, getting more frantic and feeling his body tense. He clenched his muscles and that sent a new ripple of pleasure through his body. He panted, wishing he could scream from this new, uncontrollable feeling.

He felt a rush of warm liquid inside of him and realized Adam was coming. Even Adam's orgasm was controlled, with the only indication from his body the hard press of fingertips into Riley's hips. Riley knew, if he could see, that Adam's jaw would be clenched, his eyes squeezed shut as he rode out one of the few moments when he was not in control.

When he pulled out Riley laid on his back, flopping against the cool sheets and reaching down to feel that his cock was hard. He stroked it without thinking, willing himself to come. Adam collapsed next to him and wrapped his lips around one of Riley's nipples, sucking so hard it made Riley arch his back and his body dissolved into spasms as he came.

Riley wiped his fingers absently on the sheet, feeling his semen cool on his stomach, looking over to see Adam staring at the ceiling. He felt too awkward to get up, too intimidated to do anything other than lay there holding his breath. Finally Adam got up and walked into the bathroom, grabbing a towel from the rack and throwing it across the room. It landed on Riley's stomach and he used it to wipe himself off, still too afraid to say anything.

Adam sat down on the edge of the bed, leaning towards Riley slightly. Even in the near darkness, Riley could see his intense eyes. "Not a word to anyone, OK?" Adam asked.

Riley nodded, sitting up and finding his shorts on the floor at the end of the bed. Behind him he heard Adam putting the tube back in his shaving kit and stretching out on the bed. Riley stood awkwardly, stepping into his shorts. Both of them seemed unable to make eye contact.

"Goodnight," Riley said helplessly, stepping across the hard carpet towards his bed.

"Come here," Adam said.

Riley turned and walked back to Adam's bed, standing above him. Adam sat up and put his hand behind Riley's neck, pulling him down and giving him a light kiss. "You're OK, kiddo," he said.

Riley smiled a little, stepping back to his bed and slipping under the sheets. He heard Adam climb under the sheet and roll over so he was facing the bathroom with his back to Riley. Riley knew there was no way he'd get any sleep himself. So for the second night in a row, he listened to Adam breathe.

The car rolled into Sunnydale the next afternoon, "Come Undone" still playing on the stereo. Adam stopped the car and popped the tape out, handing it to Riley.

"No one plays tapes anymore," he said. "You take it."

Riley studied the little black cassette in his hand, the song titles worn from being handled so many times. "Thanks."

"That way, if I get killed by some monster in the line of duty, you'll have something to remember me by."

Riley raised an eyebrow, slipping the cassette into his bag. "Whatever you say."

He followed Adam into the university, in to Professor Walsh and the line of duty.